Real Life Wardrobe “Malfunctions”

Ok… so I thought for a moment to title this post “Real Life Nipples”. But, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  :->  Anyway…..

I mentioned a woman the other day that is a client of mine whom I felt an odd sort of “connection” and comfort around. I have had that sort of feeling around only a few women in my whole life.  It’s at a different level than normal interactions with people. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s not just imagination combined with pheromones. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s a spiritual thing. There are other times that I see a woman that is so visually appealing to me that I simply want to stare; just like I would stare at a beautiful car or work of art.  It is like your senses just want to continue taking in as much as you can. But, we can’t because of the nature of today’s society; it is automatically taken that you are some leering pervert ready to commit a sexual attack.   Sometimes, they have a certain sexiness… a physical attraction. Sometimes, it’s a combination of these things. This woman in question has the beauty to go along with the comfortable feeling. 

I have always been a man who believes that you treat women respectfully. Even if you are attracted to them, you don’t do things that make them uncomfortable.  I think you don’t stare at a woman’s breasts, for instance.   I’m the type of person who thinks when a woman might expose or start to expose something, that you avert your eyes. Even if you would *like* to see…. it’s not respectful.  If they start to show a thong, for instance, you don’t make crude comments and leer.  If they start to lean over and show their bra/breasts, you look away. 

Well… this particular woman likes to lean over the desk… in not so closed tops.  I’ve been sitting and she has leaned over the desk to talk.   I have been standing… and she has leaned over the desk to talk.  Sometimes, when someone is looking your way and you are trying to look them in the eye, the peripheral vision picks up things; which draws your attention to them and your eyes try to center on them. So, my instinct is to avert.  Call me old fashioned… or a prude…. or socially inept… whatever.

But, the other night, I think she noticed it.   Probably because of my distracted mind processing the situation and my speech at the same time.   I was trying to talk to her when she leaned over the desk.  I looked at her eyes…. looked to the computer… kept talking… looked back… she was still leaning… looked to the computer while talking… looked back and she was crouched down behind the desk in a more upright position.

In those situations, the brain is trying to process information too much at once. Part is saying, “So… your cpu is trying to process all of this information at once and the memory is…..” Part is saying, “Look at her eyes.  Don’t look down! Be respectful.  Look away!  She’ll see you looking!  Don’t…..” The other part is saying, “Look down!  You know you wanna!”  The curiosity part is saying, “I wonder…. why is she bending over that far?  Does she realize her shirt is that loose?   Hmm… is that Victoria’s Secret?”  Part is wondering about the whole human animal psyche and processing the myriad of intriguing and silly ways in which we interact.  (Which reminds me of a bikini incident.)

So… it’s brain overclocking at it’s best.

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One thought on “Real Life Wardrobe “Malfunctions”

  1. Seinfeld has some nice quotes on the subject of “titillation”:

    [Looking at Elaine’s Christmas card (photo by Kramer)]
    Jerry: “I’m not sure, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I think I see … a nipple.”

    Jerry: “Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.”

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