I have had some trouble with my faith for quite some time. I’ve also been struggling with Christmas for at least a couple of years. This year was no exception. I have not been able to get in the mood for a variety of reasons.
Yesterday was a long day and I got into bed late; after the annual tradition of opening the gifts. I had a somewhat odd dream. I don’t remember a lot of details, but I was in a tornado. I remember that I didn’t have time to even react or prepare for it. It came up suddenly and I was in a trailer home. I have never lived in a trailer home, but I have known people who live in them. In the dream, the wind became ferocious and picked up the trailer with me in it. I knew that I was going to die, so I determined that I would wait for the crash. The wind had me holding on but being thrown about. I remember thinking, “Well, I guess I could pray, but I don’t even know if I believe in God anymore; so that would be useless and wrong. I debated with myself while flying through the air and finally settled on praying; just in case. I started with the Lord’s Prayer and then moved to a sort of “If you save me, I’ll know you’re real” type prayer. I was calm the entire time. Then, I felt this sort of pressure around my torso. I could hear the wind howling and wailing around me but didn’t know if I was still flying around or had crashed back to earth. I remember trying to figure out if I had landed or not; then thinking, “What is this pressure around my body?” It was like arms were around me. That’s all I remember.