So… today was a beautiful day for a ride.  The RenFair was decent. I
found some music there.

The day could have been better though. Mark didn’t even make it there
because his car broke down in Washington, PA.  When waiting for Dan and his
friend and Sharyn and her new love interest; I was at a Park-n-ride with my
B.I.L.  Ever since she told me about staying in Pittsburgh, my mind would not
let go of the idea of her spending the time and staying the night with him in
Pittsburgh.   When they pulled in, they all got off the bikes and introductions
were made.  As soon as Sharyn walked over, she hugged me and introduced me to
him. Then she picked something off my jacket and turned to run her fingers
through his hair because the helmet had mussed it.  He pushed it back down.
She showed him my wolf items and pulled up my jacket to point out my belt buckle
to him.  We all left there for the RenFest.

Upon arrival, she wanted pictures of everyone and then we went in.  As we
entered the main gate, a woman up above said something like, “Mum, when you’re
finished with that one, I’ll take him.” They were directly behind me, so I
don’t know what her face was like, but she patted my back and said, “This one is
available.”  At one point, when they met back up with us, somebody asked her
what they did. She said, “We walked around, ate, listened to music and
kissed.”

Later, as we were riding back, before they split off from us to head back to
Pittsburgh, she was making kissing gestures with her mouth toward him.

All of these things evoked reactions in me.  So, on the way home, I was
thinking about it.  I stopped to call her and left a message on her voice mail
that I can’t do this anymore. I told her I would like to be able to keep her
as a client and me be her client, but if not… that’s ok.  I’m not doing this
“friend” thing anymore.

It doesn’t work for me.  It just causes me more hurt.  I tried to do it with
the woman who broke my heart and it didn’t work then.I was somewhat different
than than this because I full-out loved her.  I’m not “in love” with Sharyn; but
I do have strong feelings for her.    But, I’m finding I just can’t be friends
with someone that I have romantic feelings for.  It just causes me hurt.

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I am exhausted. After the night at the ER and then working today, I am feeling beat.

So…. I’ve been planning a Sunday ride with a few people.  While I was sitting here trying to work out the logistics, a client came to pick up a computer.  I was trying to figure out where would be a good meeting place for Sharyn and for those coming from the Pittsburgh area.  The client arrived, so I took his computer out to his car… and the phone rang. It was Sharyn. She said she was probably going to be in Pittsburgh  and would ride from there to meet us, and then ride back with us after we look at the RennFest. In trying to figure out the logistics, I inquired where and when.  She told me where and said it would be Sat/Sun. so she would take the bike up on Saturday. She said she wanted to bring another person along that wants to ride, and she told him she would ask if it was ok. I don’t mind having new riders come along.  So, I said it was ok. Then she said that it is someone she has a romantic interest in and wanted to know if it would be awkward or weird. I said, “No.”

I don’t think it has to be awkward. But, it hurts. I don’t even understand why it even matters to her, really. Logically, it shouldn’t matter to her; nor to me.  Emotionally… it hurts.  And in my exhausted state….. it’s worse.

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On Myspace, I mentioned in my blog that I am a Great Uncle again to a new baby boy born on Tuesday.  He was c-section delivered.  Last night, as I was about to go to bed, I received a phone call from the grandma to the new baby asking me to come across the road to their house because the ambulance was coming for the mother of the new baby. She went home from the hospital yesterday.

I arrived there to see her walking onto the porch crying, saying she was in pain in her back, that she was week, that she felt like she was dying, that she was burning…….

This young woman is 21 and new baby is her second one.  She went to the emergency room a lot during the pregnancy; seemingly about everything and nothing. So…. I spent the night at the emergency room; arriving home about 4:30.  The cause……. “you just had a baby and a c-section.”

She insisted that she had something wrong with her because she doesn’t feel good and feels weak, etcetera. She insisted that this thing that is wrong with her was wrong with her all through the pregnancy, too. She insisted on the way home that she had something wrong with her. She doesn’t feel well.

Well…… yes, you don’t feel well.  It’s called having a baby and a c-section. Stand up to it. 

So, I spent the night in the E.R. …. have about 4 hours of sleep… and need to work all day… for basically nothing. No, I’m not saying that it’s easy.  Nor that she feels good. But, it’s normal for the situation; and it’s time to stand up and have some good old fashioned gumption and stop making a drama out of everything.

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Yesterday, I was talking with a client that likes animals about our respective pets. Then, when I was sitting down to play COD2 on Xbox, we were talking about our pets on there.  I think I have posted a picture or two of the cats, but nothing of the dogs. I think when I get some time, I’ll post some pics of various pets — past and present.

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This is my intended new space for my Blog. I am moving here from LiveJournal.