Discussions lead to Thinking

Every so often, I have the realization come upon me that my life is not ordinary. I don’t mean that it is extraordinary or anything like that.  But, rather that my life experiences are not in the norm. Things that are a normal part of growing up for people… things that they did when they were growing up…. I never did.  Things that are “milestones” for people… I never did.  Lots of normal experiences that people have… I haven’t.  That can be a good thing…… and a bad thing.

Sometimes… discussions I’m having will bring on that realization.

I received my replacement “Guitar Hero II” today.

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I watched……

…….. The Exorcism of Emily Rose last night. It was a pretty good movie.  It had some scarey…. some courtroom drama…. and Laura Linney. And, Jennifer Carpenter did a good job of being scared and possessed, too.

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Not The Musical: Update

So, this morning I had an appointment with Sharyn and then had to drive about 60 miles back the other direction to work. So, my time after the cut was filled with the drive…. which was filled with thinking related to Sharyn.

When I arrived at the salon, Sharyn was getting her hair finished for her halloween costume (a pirate) for tomorrow night.  Her worker was drying it for her. She introduce her new receptionist and then asked if I was in a hurry for time; whether the worker could finish drying the hair for her. The dogs were going crazy wanting into the shop, so she asked the receptionist to let them in because, “… they recognize it’s him and want to see him.” Only one dog — the young female — came out to greet me. As I waited, I noticed that the dog was having a problem with the left eye and mentioned it. We talked about the dog some.  Mostly, I was not feeling very talkative and it was a pretty quiet visit.  Normally, I would have been more friendly and talkative.   When I got to the chair, I was feeling like all I wanted was to get my hair cut, not talk, and leave the chair. Sharyn asked about the family and asked what I had been doing.  After a little while, she asked, “Have you been out riding?” I said, “I rode Sunday to Cooper’s Rock.”  I wanted to elaborate, but held to my decision to keep things as little personal and as much business as possible.  She said, “I am going to try to get out his weekend.” Again, I didn’t say anything.  I think she wanted to open up the door to discussing riding; so that it would allow one of us to ask the other to go riding.  I was not going to change my mind. If things are going to be anything other than business between us; they are going to be drastically different.  Otherwise, they stay the way they are.

Still…. seeing her affected me. She brings me a full range of thoughts and emotions whenever I am around her; even if it’s just for business. So, I had a lot to think about after leaving there.  I feel guilty of being somewhat cold and stand-offish to her.  I don’t know if it affects her at all; but the thought of hurting her feelings really bothers me. It’s just that I need to do what I need for protecting my own feelings and well-being. 

When she was talking to her receptionist about the party, I wanted to know more.  But, on the other hand, I didn’t want to know whether she would be going with the boyfriend.  I have those kinds of reactions all the time.  On the one hand, I want to know all there is to know about her.  On the other hand, I don’t want to know because I don’t want to feel the hurt… that sharp stab in my chest… when it’s obvious that I don’t matter to her.

Physically, she was looking a little tired, but looking as good as ever.  She had darkened her hair and made it long, curly, and wind-blown looking for the pirate outfit.  I could see her looking really good in that outfit.  But, then again, I think she looks good all the time. 

Overall, it was a mostly uneventful interaction; with my internal reactions being the hardest part.

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Bikini Adjusting 101

I mentioned a bikini incident a couple of posts ago. I’ve mentioned before that I find the social interaction of humans interesting and at times humorous.  I find that we do silly things when looked at logically.  For instance, I’ve always thought it silly to say, “God bless you,” when someone sneezes. It’s a normal body function.  And the origins of saying it are quite backward and intellectually silly.     I mean…. we don’t say, “Devil take you,” when someone farts.

I look at the habits that people have and they intrigue me. The bikini incident is one of those kinds of things.

I was arriving at a client’s location a couple of years back.  The home was a trailer with a deck/porch built on the side.  I pulled up to the parking spot at the end of the trailer and noticed some people sunning on the deck. It was a male and two females.   The male was the husband.  The females were the daughter and the wife.  As I turned off the car, I noticed the two females get up and cover up the bottom half.  If I remember correctly they used a towel and a pair of pants respectively.  I thought, “They must want to be modest.” I approached the deck and the wife then lead me in the door and to the computer room.   While she was describing the problem with the computer, we were standing face-to-face at a “respect your space” distance, but a little closer than normal because it was a trailer. As she was talking, she took hold of the left half of her bikini top with her left hand; pulled out slightly; placed her right hand between the bikini and the breast in a fashion cupping the breast; and proceeded to adjust and fit the breast comfortably in the bikini. She did this all while talking as if it was an instinctual operation.

In addition to keeping eye contact and not drawing attention to it, I tried to keep from smiling.  It was all I could do to keep from laughing at the irony of putting on pants so that the tech couldn’t see your bottom half; but then soon after proceeding to make blatant adjustments to “the girls” while the tech is facing you from a couple of feet away.  Such is the human animal.

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Sunday Ride to Cooper’s Rock

I had planned on taking the Volusia out on Sunday.  It was supposed to get to a high of 80 with clear skies and sun.  I got in touch with Rhillai and we planned to meet at a park called “Cooper’s Rock” which is a natural rock formation that is amazing.

When Sunday arrived, I was torn whether to go.  With my computer being down for an upgrade gone awry, I wanted it fixed.  But,  I was waiting for a drive to copy which was going to take a few hours.  That had me at a standstill of sorts.  Plus, I think I was needing some time away from that for a bit.  I thought about working on my Jeep, since it was needing the rear brakes.  I thought about staying home and working on that; but wasn’t sure if there was a recall on the brakes.  I wondered how much might be covered under the warranty.  I didn’t think there would be much if any at all… but thought it would be worth calling to find out.  So, I decided to go ahead with the motorcycle ride.

I met with Rhillai at Cooper’s Rock and we looked at the overlook and then went to look at an 1800’s iron furnace which is a bit of a walk down a trail.   It was a nice ride; but the ride back was nicer.  I took the back roads on the way back and was more leisurely than the ride there. The ride there was mostly 4 lane with me going highway speeds. I picked a perfect day for the ride, though.  It was warm and clear skies with a bright sun.

It was nice to be able to talk to Rhillai for a bit, too.

I was thinking during the return ride that it was the kind of day that Sharyn and I would have gone for a ride. It was the perfect kind of day for her. Normally, one of us would have called the other and we would have ridden together.  Sigh.

When I returned, the drive was finished copying and I set to work on getting my problem solved. Within a few minutes, I got things on the road to repair and was finally making progress. So, at times, it’s good to walk away from a problem for a bit.

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Real Life Wardrobe “Malfunctions”

Ok… so I thought for a moment to title this post “Real Life Nipples”. But, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  :->  Anyway…..

I mentioned a woman the other day that is a client of mine whom I felt an odd sort of “connection” and comfort around. I have had that sort of feeling around only a few women in my whole life.  It’s at a different level than normal interactions with people. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s not just imagination combined with pheromones. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s a spiritual thing. There are other times that I see a woman that is so visually appealing to me that I simply want to stare; just like I would stare at a beautiful car or work of art.  It is like your senses just want to continue taking in as much as you can. But, we can’t because of the nature of today’s society; it is automatically taken that you are some leering pervert ready to commit a sexual attack.   Sometimes, they have a certain sexiness… a physical attraction. Sometimes, it’s a combination of these things. This woman in question has the beauty to go along with the comfortable feeling. 

I have always been a man who believes that you treat women respectfully. Even if you are attracted to them, you don’t do things that make them uncomfortable.  I think you don’t stare at a woman’s breasts, for instance.   I’m the type of person who thinks when a woman might expose or start to expose something, that you avert your eyes. Even if you would *like* to see…. it’s not respectful.  If they start to show a thong, for instance, you don’t make crude comments and leer.  If they start to lean over and show their bra/breasts, you look away. 

Well… this particular woman likes to lean over the desk… in not so closed tops.  I’ve been sitting and she has leaned over the desk to talk.   I have been standing… and she has leaned over the desk to talk.  Sometimes, when someone is looking your way and you are trying to look them in the eye, the peripheral vision picks up things; which draws your attention to them and your eyes try to center on them. So, my instinct is to avert.  Call me old fashioned… or a prude…. or socially inept… whatever.

But, the other night, I think she noticed it.   Probably because of my distracted mind processing the situation and my speech at the same time.   I was trying to talk to her when she leaned over the desk.  I looked at her eyes…. looked to the computer… kept talking… looked back… she was still leaning… looked to the computer while talking… looked back and she was crouched down behind the desk in a more upright position.

In those situations, the brain is trying to process information too much at once. Part is saying, “So… your cpu is trying to process all of this information at once and the memory is…..” Part is saying, “Look at her eyes.  Don’t look down! Be respectful.  Look away!  She’ll see you looking!  Don’t…..” The other part is saying, “Look down!  You know you wanna!”  The curiosity part is saying, “I wonder…. why is she bending over that far?  Does she realize her shirt is that loose?   Hmm… is that Victoria’s Secret?”  Part is wondering about the whole human animal psyche and processing the myriad of intriguing and silly ways in which we interact.  (Which reminds me of a bikini incident.)

So… it’s brain overclocking at it’s best.

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