I’ve been thinking about my life and my friendships. I think I lived most of my life making good choices and judgements — having good judgement and doing what I knew was right. I didn’t have any major problems or huge mistakes as some people do. I’ve always believed that you minimize your problems in life if you strive to do what is right and make choices from a good moral viewpoint. Then, when I reached about age 40, I made a couple big mistakes/poor choices. When I did make a poor choice, it had to be a big one. And, it cost me the only life-long true friendship I ever had. I’ve always had a pretty restrictive definition of true friendship. I’ve believed that true friendship was not what people commonly call being friends. What people commonly call “friends”, is what we called “acquaintances”. He and I both had the same viewpoint on friendship. We had talked about the saying of how true friendship was like one soul in two bodies and we thought it applied to our friendship. My father always said, “If you have one true friend in your life, you’re lucky.” I was lucky. We thought we would always be friends; true friends. And we were for 30+ years. I tried to be a true friend to him. Then, I ruined that friendship. We’ve made an effort to maintain the friendship since; but the friendship we’ve had since then is not like the one before. I wanted to fix it completely even though I don’t know that it’s possible. I think he doesn’t really desire to have the friendship, and I don’t blame him. I never would have dreamed I would have been in this place, especially of my own doing. I think I will never forgive myself. I think I will never have a good opinion of myself again.

The kitten is becoming more tamed and is liking attention now. She still has a bit of training, but is coming along nicely. The cat… that’s a different story. Yesterday, she let me have it because I had carried the kitten inside to get her food. So, the cat was a couple of feet inside and started growling, and hissing at the kitten in my hand. I reached the other hand out to pet her head and she let me have it. So, then I put the kitten back in the carrier and went to put the cat downstairs as punishment. I had to put on gloves and she “went ballistic” on me. Then the dog tried to get in on the action and I had to grab her head to prevent her from getting involved. I finally got cat with an attitude in the basement and into solitude for awhile.

I had 3 clients tell me (yet again) that I look like I am in my late 20s to 30. It’s a pretty common occurrence, so I guess I look much younger than my years.

I trapped one of the kittens today. I discovered that a small (squirrel sized) Hav-A-Hart trap is perfect size for kittens. So, I set up the trap and caught one; the one with the tail. She’s a dark stripe on white color. She has a very expressive face. I think one has already been caught, so that leaves three. Momma cat was concerned, but didn’t get radical on my butt. 🙂 She’s actually very good natured and likes people, but has been afraid so long that she’s going to need to unlearn some negative training.

I worked with it some and I am sure it will tame quickly. I think about two days of proper (understanding and gentle) handling will have a perfectly functional kitten. I think I have someone in mind for a good home. I’m not sure, though.

I got some photos back and scanned some into the computer.  I still have one small streak that needs cleaned on my scanner, but these scanned pretty well.  This one was done with my Minolta X-700 and Tamron 500 Cat. 

I just finished watching “White Noise”.  It’s about the phenomenon of E.V.P.– Electronic Voice Phenomena.  There are a couple of extras on the DVD that are quite interesting.  They delve into the actual research of E.V.P.  The extras ran chills up my back as much as the movie did. The movie takes a bit different “tack” than the actual research, but it’s a pretty interesting movie about those who’ve passed on trying to communicate with those of us still here.  I’ve been aware of it for quite a few years, and thought it would be interesting to try; yet never have. Maybe one day.

I took The Personality Defect Test. Here are the results:

Robot You are 85% Rational, 28% Extroverted, 14% Brutal, and 28% Arrogant.

You are the Robot! You are characterized by your rationality. In fact, this is really ALL you are characterized by. Like a cold, heartless machine, you are so logical and unemotional that you scarcely seem human. For instance, you are very humble and don’t bother thinking of your own interests, you are very gentle and lack emotion, and you are also very introverted and introspective. You may have noticed that these traits are just as applicable to your laptop as they are to a human being. In short, your personality defect is that you don’t really HAVE a personality. You are one of those annoying, super-logical people that never gets upset or flustered. Unless, of course, you short circuit. To put it less negatively: 1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive. 2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted. 3. You are more GENTLE than brutal. 4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant. Compatibility: Your exact opposite is the Class Clown. Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Emo Kid, and the Haughty Intellectual. * * If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

So, Friday I’m finishing appointments and running some errands. I get back into my vehicle at one store and head to the pharmacy. Upon arrival at the pharmacy, I discover I’m locked in. For awhile now, whenever I unlocked the door with the key, it would re-lock when I removed the key. No problem, I just open the door, remove the key and lift the lock. Or, I’d lift the lock upon exit. Not this time. So, it’s either climb out the other side or “Dukes Of Hazzard” entrance/exit. I opt for the former and I’m climbing in and out at several stores, including the auto parts store to get some spray lubricant in case it’s just rusty. At the auto parts store, I get my items and go out to work on my door. I discover that an old vehicle has been pulled next to my passenger side with the nose angled in toward my car. So, being careful not to hit their old, ratty-looking car, I spray the passenger door first, since it’s still working and I want to keep it that way. I move around to the driver’s side and start on it when three younger males emerge from the store to enter ratty-looking car. First, driver steps in the remnants of the lubricant dripping from my door and makes a big deal of it to his friends. Then, he enters the car by opening his door against my vehicle so hard that it rocked my car. I say, “Watch my car!” He says, “Sorry,” and sits down in the car. Then — as sure as I’m typing this — I look over and he’s sitting thinking about whether he’s going to get back out to fight me! I’m considerate of his ratty car and he isn’t considerate of my car, and he wants to fight me because I say something to him about hitting my car! Now, I realize my vehicle is 10 years old and doesn’t look new; but it didn’t get to be 10 years old and in decent shape by being abused. And it’s as much about consideration as it is about taking care of my property.

Over the last few days, I’ve had people contact me on instant messengers as if they are interested in getting to know me. Ultimately, it usually turns out to be a viral marketer contacting me for the sole purpose of getting me to sign up for a dating site because they get paid for referrals. If it’s not a viral marketer, it’s often someone just trying to get whatever kicks they can by contacting someone and saying something like, “Hi. I saw your profile. Would you like to chat?” Then they follow it up with something like, “I’m too young for you,” and disappearing. It is cruel and is an example of how people are so indifferent to the situations of their fellow humans. How can people’s hearts be so darkened, hardened, and full of cruelty that they would prey upon the desires of the heart of another person?

I only hope that whatever Karma they are building by playing with the emotions of others; that the punishment their darkened souls are building for themselves is fitting.

I sometimes wonder whether there is a way to die quickly, quietly, and painlessly. It seems to me that not one meets all three conditions.

Footsteps Fall
(Reader?/Hewerdine)

I’m in a new place now
They don’t know me next door
But I can hear their footsteps fall
Every night about this time
Does he take her in his arms
They”ll be django playing as they waltz across the floor

As his queen walked away — sheathing her dagger — she couldn’t help but admire it’s efficiency. Her knight lay face down in the dirt. As his soul poured about him, it mixed with the dirt which blocked his already shallow breathing. He could only wonder if this had been her plan all along. Had it all been only stepping stones to this desired goal; or had it simply progressed to this point by happenstance? His dying thought was that he would never know the truth.