Last night was really bad.  The itching on my legs was the worst it has been.  I knew I had to work today, so I didn’t stay up too late.  But, I was wakened by itching that tormented me.  I was awake for about 3 hours or more. After I treated my legs with Gold Bond extra strength medicated lotion, it helped and I finally slept some.  And I dreamed.  

One of the dreams included Sharyn.  She was at a distance of 50 feet or so from me and never got any closer than that. She talked to me in this dream, but was not close to me; always at a distance.   I also dreamed about being fishing and looking into the water and seeing HUGE fish.  I actually have this kind of dream alot.  In this one, one of the fish was a…. can’t remember the name…… the fish they found that was prehistoric. Anyway, it was one of those and it was about 6 feet long. All of the fish were way bigger than normal.

A little bit of the Christmas holiday got me today.  After my appointment I went to Big Lots for a few small things.  While there, I bought a Christmas decoration which I will blog about later. Am falling asleep as I write.

While putting together the decoration, I was watching a Dr. Phil which had was about women wanting children.  One of them was an older man married to a younger woman who wanted a child.  They had agreed on no children because he never wanted them.  Now she wants to have a child and they are struggling with the decision and problems because of it.

When Jana was deciding that she didn’t want/love me; that was one of her concerns.  I have never wanted children.  She did.  When I was loving her so much, I would have had kids with her just because it would have made her happy.  I loved her so much that I her happiness was more important than whether I wanted kids. During this show, the man said that he thought because he loved her so much; he wanted her to be happy and have kids.  That brought back memories and reminded me of what I felt and said to Jana; it brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes.

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