I heard “Come Out Of The Shade” by The Perishers. It was on Kyle XY.  You can find a clip of it on Amazon.  I also found the lyrics, which I think are very good, but I can’t find it again.

The website is:

The Perishers

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I try to take as little medicine as possible.  I was hurting last night and decided to take an Excedrin PM so that I wouldn’t be kept awake while I was trying to sleep. I don’t sleep well anyway. This morning, I could barely get out of bed and I felt horrible. I felt bad most of the day.  I felt lethargic…. and like nothing in my body was working right. This isn’t the first time that a “with sleep aid” product has done that to me. I think the other time it was a Tylenol PM…. and I also can’t take things like Nyquil. They really mess me up.  So…. no more of those for me.

Didn’t do much today.  I played some Xbox 360 and watched some recorded TV shows.

Still didn’t get the email that Sharyn was trying to send.

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Back in the Fall, I found out about the Suzuki “Ride of a Lifetime” which was a chance for 3 friends who ride motorcycles to be in a commercial and ride 3 new motorcycles on a “ride of a lifetime.”  I think I blogged about it at the time.  I talked to Mark and Sharyn about entering, which we did.  During the interview call, we were told that we were “on the short list” of people being considered.  We couldn’t work out the logistics because of work and business responsibilities, however.   I went to the Suzuki site for some information yesterday and saw that the ride videos are there.

It turns out that the “Ride of a Lifetime” was a Washington, DC to Daytona Beach ride in December.

If you want to see what it was about, click the link and click “video” and then “Ride: Full”

http://rideofalifetime.suzukicycles.com/Default.aspx?cycle=cruiser

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I went to Pittsburgh to fix a computer today.  While I was there, Sharyn called my cell phone.  She was at an airport and, “I’m sending you an email, but I can’t get on the Internet.”  So, I walked through some steps to try to get her online. It seemed like the airport wireless was not working. Now, until she gets access again, I have to wonder what’s in the email.

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Last evening was tough.  I was feeling pretty down.  Lots of emotions and thoughts going through my mind. I think — even though it centers around my feelings for Sharyn — that it’s not just about her; but also about my experience with romance in general.  I was chatting with 3 or 4 people on I.M. about things. It let my mind ask questions and seek answers. I think that loving Jana opened up a huge hole in me that I just can’t seem to fill. Before that, I never had these kinds of problems.  I had never loved before…. and once I did…. it left something missing in my being.  I wonder why I start out as friends with these women…. and get so close that I have these strong feelings for them. I wonder sometimes if there isn’t something wrong with me that I keep doing this.  I wonder why I cross that threshold instead of staying as friends. I can’t seem to keep the friendships that are some of the closest friendships of my life. Even they tell me that I am their closest friend.  But, when I cross that line from friendship to romantic feelings,  I lose the friendship in addition to not getting the romance that I want with them.  Romance, btw, that isn’t even a consideration when I first meet them.  But, somehow…. it goes beyond friendship at some point.

In addition to all of that… I’ve been having the typical, “Why am I not acceptable,” type thoughts. But, when I think about it…. I think it’s as much about who they are and where they are in the life-walk; as it is about me and who I am.

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The other night, I sent Sharyn an email in reply to her text about being business associates.  I basically said that I could explain it, but I didn’t see the point since it wouldn’t matter; that I didn’t understand her, either; and that my only question was whether she would cut my hair. 

Today, I still hadn’t heard from her.  I decided to take the shirt and drop it off at her shop.  When I walked in, she was at the other end of the shop with a client in the chair.  Her assistant was at the desk. It felt……. thick in the air.   I thought I heard Sharyn say, “Hi, Mark.”  I said, “Hi.” I told the assistant that I was “just dropping this off.”  She said, “For her?”  I said, “Yeah.”

I headed for the door, turned and waited to get Sharyn’s attention. She stopped.  I said, “Did you make up your mind, yet?” She said, “About what?” “About you cutting my hair,”  I said.  She said, “I sent you an email.” I said goodbye and left.

All the way home, I wondered why she didn’t just tell me yes or no.  What was in the email? Had she answered?  Had she had more questions?  Was she telling me off?  Was she angry?  I read the email when I got home.  It was, “Sure Mark.”

Why couldn’t she just say that at the shop?  What was the point of making me wait the entire ride home for that?

Sigh…..

Since it was a slow day for me… I went to bed.

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I walked out to my car today to retrieve something, and was thinking about what I’m going to do today.  I have a couple of things that need worked on here; and also a couple of things I could do at client locations. I thought that since I have to be near where Sharyn’s shop is, that I’d get her shirt out of my saddlebags and drop it off to her.

I walked back into the house and my brother was reading.  He asked if I’ve seen today’s horoscope. I don’t read the horoscopes anymore because I find them distracting and a waste.  However, the horoscope:

“Relationships add uncertainty to your day, presenting perspectives that
don’t easily fit in to your previous plans. It’s challenging, for the
situations you now face will not easily go away. Larger patterns are
being established that can influence your success over the next couple
of months. Sticking with your agenda is your best strategy so you won’t
be pulled off course by someone else’s distracting point of view.”

So…… that just seems to fit.

I watched a “Kyle XY” and it had a song by The Weepies — Nobody Knows Me At All. I liked it and decided to find out who it was. I like them.  They can be found at www.theweepies.com

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I asked GG tonight — half jokingly — if she had read enough of my blog to think I’m crazy.

Seriously, though, I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me that makes me feel so differently about things.  I wonder if some people would deal with the situation with Sharyn in a different way.  Do I over-react to things emotionally? Do I have abnormal reactions? I don’t know. Sometimes, I wonder. 

When it comes to having these emotional reactions of hurt… when it comes to Sharyn and my feelings for her… I wonder if I’m having abnormal reactions.

Well…… falling asleep as I type… more later.

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Sharyn texted me last night saying, “I really do not understand you, Mark.  If we can’t be friends, how can we still be business associates. This sucks!”

Well… the way I see it, I don’t have a personal relationship with my business associates.  In a business only relationship, I don’t need to hear about her new love interests and I definitely don’t have to watch their interaction with each other.  I don’t have to subject myself to hugs and kisses on the cheek that make me want more.  I don’t have to be constantly reminded that I’m available to other women, but not to her. I don’t have to listen to her talk about the kind of man she wants, the qualities she wants — that I have.  I don’t have to be tormented.

I can go in, sit in the chair to get my hair cut, pay, and leave. I can go in, work on her computer… and leave. If the conversation starts to turn to personal life, I can say, “That’s personal.  We shouldn’t be discussing that.”

If not… then I’ll look elsewhere to get my hair cut. And she can look elsewhere to get her computer work done.

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